The Ant and the Grasshopper

I feel like the grasshopper in Aesop's fable of the grasshopper who danced and partied all summer long, but when winter came he was not prepared. Throughout the summer he scorned his neighbors the ants for working so hard while it was beautiful out, but in the winter time they were able to take it easy because they had prepared for the hard times ahead.

After high school I went to college and eventually got a 2 year degree - and took some cool classes, and went on some cool trips - but I just went "gen ed". C'mon, I've always wanted to do the same thing - work with plants somehow. After that I messed around a few years until a roommate said to hurry up and go to school. So, here I am at my midlife crisis (I can have my midlife crisis whenever I want thank you very much) two 2year degrees, no big career, no family. I have to not compare myself with my elders (my mom and grandma both say "when I was your age...") or friend's my age who have husbands, careers and kids.
I'm not saying I necessarily want that white picket fence lifestyle (but I do want the white picket fence, they're so cute). I just... don't want to be the grasshopper. I don't want to someday get married and worry I've never lived, worry I never had a career.. Or, I don't want to just float on and wish I had something more substantial to show for my years.

Granted, I think I'm doin ok - my own place, two jobs, an A.A. and an A.S. Thats good, right? Right? Ok, I'll work on more.

Of course this brings us back to the question of whether the time is right for me to bring "dog" back into my life. I may never be stable though, if I wait for that I may wait forever.

Ok, new to-do list; do more stuff, do things for job advancement

Oh, just so you know - I still think children are evil and marriage is the death of fun. I'm just saying, everybody is doing it. My mom (I do not know why) used to sing to me the song "I never will marry" by Linda Ronstadt
"...I never will marry
I'll be no man's wife
I expect to live single
All the days of my life"

She's an odd woman that mother of mine. She sang to my older brother "dreamer" by Supertramp "...can you put your hands in your head? oh no! your nothing but a dreamer" Hm, what about my little brother?

selfish desires

i want my very own something to love and hug and cuddle and hang out with. i want something to love me unquestionably and always be there for me.
in short, i want a dog. i have been waiting years now, every since my dog died. i know there are some people who want love and rush out to have children, but i am waiting until the right time (for a dog). i need space (although there are many happy apartment dogs) and time and money but mostly i am waiting until i am stable. i am moving for the umpteenth time since i lived in florida and that is not good for a dog.
plus, i enjoy a slightly gypsy lifestyle now, and i would be even more encumbered by a dog.
i had a beta a few years back, but he often tried to commit suicide and he stayed behind several moves ago.
but someday, a dog. an older rescue dog. who i can tell everything to and who won't bark at everything and who will wrestle with me and will have a nice coat to pet (no yippers). someone to go on walks or swim or hike or whatever.
i had thought a golden or a basset hound, but maybe just a mutt. (or a basset retriever!)

i have already had the best dog, and he was great to talk to. he was my brother, my best friend, my child. got along with everyone and everything (he only tried to eat frogs, and spit those out) liked to swim and hike. and didn't try to hump me. plus he was beautiful. what more could you want in a companion?

i should try to find a picture to post.

oh, also, unlike a child - dogs only live to be 18 tops, and you can neuter them.