Friday, December 4, 2009

no babies

What with so many of my friends and aquaintances - and aquantainces friends and friend's friends - having babies, I am left to wonder; "Why? Is it worth it?"

So I present to you my list of reasons not to have a baby.

They're loud (they'll cry, they'll scream, they'll whine and complain). They won't be that cute and immobile forever. Too many untestable risks (disorders, diseases, sociopath, republican, bum, cheerleader..). There goes your social life. Are you ready to commit to someone for 18- 50 or more years (who knows when they'll move out or you have to talk to them if nothing else)? Kids these days! Do you want to deal with sexting?! Probably shouldn't walk around naked or in various stages of undress (sure, when they're young its ok, but what about when they're older Mrs. Robinson?). Toys and cars and college and crap (little consumers!). So much to worry about - is there lead in their toys? Melamine in their milk? Is Frank the neighborhood pervert watching them? Will they call?! You get bored. You change your mind. Did I mention the screaming? And the personal space? The freedom. Shaking is frowned upon. They don't listen. They're little demon humans who will grow up to be adults and I seriously wonder whether they come with any pre-programed morals or values - so you'd better instill some! Your not supposed to call them names or smack em. And what if you mess up? There's no pretest for parenthood.

I think that's all. I know, aren't I a horrid person for thinking that about children. I'm sure there's more I can't think of at the moment.

What I would like - although I am not at this time even remotely considering breeding - is for you to tell me why anyone would want to have children. I'm curious.

I do know that they are little social and genetic experiments, and of course that is fun. I cannot agree with the "keep the human race alive" theory. Why? Let it peter out. It would make a nice book. What would the last few be like? How will they die? Suicide or old age? But who would read it!?(I am thinking of "On The Beach" by Nevil Shute, but ending for a different reason of course) That would be a shame. The human race dying off and no one to observe and comment on it - except perhaps the dolphins. "So long and thanks for all the fish!"


  1. John and I chose to have kids in our early twenties! It was the mid seventies when many if not most couples didn't even think about the things you just mentioned! I love children and worked as a teacher's assistant for several years. I can't wait to watch PBS kids with Remy and take him to the park to play! Having said that, I don't think you are a horrid person for thinking in depth about all that is involved in bringing a new human being into this world! I wish more people were as thoughtful as you! (By the way has anyone ever told you how funny you are and what a unique sense of humor you have?)

  2. So since you aren't having any children, will you babysit mine??
    Btw, I found a parcheesi game for you at a garage sale. It has all of its pieces except the dice. Do you have dice?
    I'll bring my kids over so we can play (one reason why to have kids... they're fun to play games with ;P)

  3. I agree, more people should actually consider the effects of bringing in yet another parasite into the world (by definition, it is a parasite). Though I am 4 years older than thee, I have also thought about having children, yet I would have to, neh, get to adopt. But as you said, children are not born with morals, so I would have to adopt young to suggest "All you need is Love", as a gay man, I have enough female friends to provide that gender aspects (not roles), but I do believe in breast milk... hmm?

  4. i respect your choice to ponder whether it is right for you or not...too many people don't think about it at all and become the worst parents possible. so many others desire to be parents and it never happens for sad...but those that trully believe in the future of humanity, procreate and hopefully provide a proper enviornment filled with love, patience, and compassion for their children. i was never able to have children, but i adore them, and i appreciate their curiosity and desire to learn. if it's not meant for you, it's ok, but i still believe you have so much to offer children even if they are not your own....


  5. Then again you could give birth to a Noble laureate, a Jedi or a dolphin trainer.


which is more important? i.e. which would you choose at the exclusion of the other?