The Ant and the Grasshopper

I feel like the grasshopper in Aesop's fable of the grasshopper who danced and partied all summer long, but when winter came he was not prepared. Throughout the summer he scorned his neighbors the ants for working so hard while it was beautiful out, but in the winter time they were able to take it easy because they had prepared for the hard times ahead.

After high school I went to college and eventually got a 2 year degree - and took some cool classes, and went on some cool trips - but I just went "gen ed". C'mon, I've always wanted to do the same thing - work with plants somehow. After that I messed around a few years until a roommate said to hurry up and go to school. So, here I am at my midlife crisis (I can have my midlife crisis whenever I want thank you very much) two 2year degrees, no big career, no family. I have to not compare myself with my elders (my mom and grandma both say "when I was your age...") or friend's my age who have husbands, careers and kids.
I'm not saying I necessarily want that white picket fence lifestyle (but I do want the white picket fence, they're so cute). I just... don't want to be the grasshopper. I don't want to someday get married and worry I've never lived, worry I never had a career.. Or, I don't want to just float on and wish I had something more substantial to show for my years.

Granted, I think I'm doin ok - my own place, two jobs, an A.A. and an A.S. Thats good, right? Right? Ok, I'll work on more.

Of course this brings us back to the question of whether the time is right for me to bring "dog" back into my life. I may never be stable though, if I wait for that I may wait forever.

Ok, new to-do list; do more stuff, do things for job advancement

Oh, just so you know - I still think children are evil and marriage is the death of fun. I'm just saying, everybody is doing it. My mom (I do not know why) used to sing to me the song "I never will marry" by Linda Ronstadt
"...I never will marry
I'll be no man's wife
I expect to live single
All the days of my life"

She's an odd woman that mother of mine. She sang to my older brother "dreamer" by Supertramp "...can you put your hands in your head? oh no! your nothing but a dreamer" Hm, what about my little brother?

time to move on

After four rooms found through craigslist.org I am finally through. I still think craigslist is really helpfull and a great tool. There are all sorts of jobs there and you can sell stuff or buy things and if your bored or whatever for a good laugh its fun to read the personals. Seriously though, just for fun - never date anyone from there, they're all quacko. I don't even think its bad getting or renting a room there - I met two great people that way (one by moving into her house, and the other was her friend) and a friend of mine just found the best deal on a condo there.

But, I am through searching for awhile. There are a bunch of great deals on craigslist, but I took the easy way. I went to an apartment complex and rented an efficiency. Its in a safe clean neighborhood so I don't think I will be too nervous starting this next phase in my life - the part where I (just before I turn 30) finally live on my own! Up until now I've lived with my parents, lived with "men friends" or rented rooms at stranger's houses. I would be nervous if the area wasn't safe, or was loud or something, but I think it will be ok. (While there I met an elderly lady on her way to play bingo in the club house - it doesn't get calmer than that).

It will be like renting my room (because its just an efficiency, so its like a big room plus kitchen and bathroom) - but the Hello Kitty Pinkness will extend beyond the bedroom! Haha! Plus, since it will finally be all mine - I can finally entertain (a little). Unfortunately this means I'll have to keep a little cleaner, but my excuse has always been that I haven't had enough space to be clean, so we'll see if that turns out to be true (I plan to get a raised bed and kick everything under there).

Oh, just in case your keeping tally - this will be my 2nd move this year (unless you cound the brief time I'll stay at a friends in between there and here) and my.... 8th home since I moved back to Florida. Woo! I blame it all on my dad, because as partial Navy brats we led the lives of gypsies.

intimidated

for so long i've been a non-confrontationalist (similar i think to my dad and brother) but it has always bothered me. someone will say something rude or do something that is wrong and i don't respond and it simmers inside of me while i plot their doom. like including their car in my experiment to see if splenda equal and sweet and low have the same effects as sugar in a gas tank. but, i'm trying to speak up and out more lately.
but now the question arises, which is better? i suppose you could put a positive spin on not responding to insults etc and say i'm "turning the other cheek" or whatever. but what about people who litter? i'm building up the courage to speak up when people i know litter, but strangers? the guy at walgreens today who tossed his trash into a shopping cart when around the corner was a trash can?
my irrational fear is that if i do speak up i'll get yelled at or insulted or worse. i suppose if i am going to speak out more i need to not let people's responses get to me. of course, i shouldn't let what people say get to me at all, but i have a hard time with that - like when i get taunted at work (its hard being the lone tree hugging heathen).
also, if i guess i should be careful how i respond, or i could be percieved as a bully. like the whole christian debate - or the abortion debate. and perhaps its best to just be quiet and not let people know how you feel because maybe they won't like you so much if they know your a tree hugging pro choice liberal heathen. of course, if that turns them off why should i want to talk to them anyways.. i have conservative no-choice christian friends.
and, i like the debate - when its rational. if we can rationally debate evolution or abortion or gay rights thats cool - i like it.
and there is the delema of the internet. have some people not responded to my blog thing because they are busy, insulted, or haven't checked it?